I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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