how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
