hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
