So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
