i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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