there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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