i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
