apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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