I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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