can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
