Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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