I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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