I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
