Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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