You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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