Kiss
Puke
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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