Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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