I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
