she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
