Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
