I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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