If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
third nipple confirmed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
