Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize