I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
