He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
