sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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