gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
