I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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