dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize