your parents love me but you hate me
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
