Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
