I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
