I accidentally burped into my bong.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
