I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
