When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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