you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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