I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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