just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
