We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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