hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
