sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize