worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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