At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
