so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
