so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
