I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
