We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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