What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
