Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize