Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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