I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
