It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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