Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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