There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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