Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
