He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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