Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
