I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
