opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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