I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
