Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Small penises have feelings too.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
