I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize