I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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