I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
