I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
