I just cut my nipple shaving
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
