I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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